FRIDAY FUNNIES

Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies is sponsored by Homesteader’s Heart.
~ ~ ~

One of the mysteries of life is that a two pound box of chocolates can make you gain five pounds.

The reason women over 50 don’t have babies is because we would put them down and forget where we put them.

It’s time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and starting your pants on fire.

What happens if you confuse your Valium with your birth control pills?  You have 12 kids, but you don’t really care.

Skinny people bug me. They say things like, “Sometimes I forget to eat.” Now, I’ve forgotten my keys, my glasses, my address and my mother’s maiden name. But I have never forgotten to eat! You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

What is the best way to forget your troubles? Wear tight clothes.

Why is it harder to lose weight as you get older? Because by that time your body and your fat have become really good friends.

My mind doesn’t wander, it leaves completely.

What happens when you leave an outfit hanging in your closet for a while? I shrinks two sizes.

It’s nice to live in a small town, because if you don’t know what you are doing, someone else does.

I read some article which said that the symptoms of stress are impulse buying, eating too much and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s what I call a perfect day.

THEN SINGS MY SOUL: MORE THAN WONDERFUL

More Than Wonderful

He promised us that He would be a counselor
A Mighty God and the Prince of Peace
He promised us that He would be a Father
And that He would love us with a love that would not cease.

Well, I tried Him and I found His promises are true
He’s everything He said that He would be.
The finest words I know could not begin to tell
Just what Jesus really means to me.

For He’s more wonderful than my mind can concieve
He’s more wonderful than my heart can believe
He goes beyond my highest hopes and fondest dreams.
He’s everything that my soul ever longed for
Everything He’s promised and so much more
More than amazing, more than marvelous
More than miraculous could ever be
He’s more than wonderful, that’s what Jesus is to me.

I stand amazed when I think that the King of glory
Should come to dwell within the heart of man
I marvel just to know He really loves me
When I think of who He is, and who I am.

For He’s more wonderful than my mind can concieve
He’s more wonderful than my heart can believe
He goes beyond my highest hopes and fondest dreams.
He’s everything that my soul ever longed for
Everything He’s promised and so much more
More than amazing, more than marvelous,
More than miraculous could ever be
He’s more than wonderful, that’s what Jesus is to me.

Repeat chorus

PERSONALITY TYPE TEST

I took this personality test – here are the results.  I guess the fact that I’m an introvert acting kinda like an extravert explains some of my weirdness.

Click to view my Personality Profile page
I actually find the descriptions of the different personality types very interesting.

Here’s a portion from the page about my personality type:

ISTJ – The “Examiner”

ISTJs are responsible, loyal and hard working. They have an acute sense of right and wrong and work hard at preserving established norms and traditions. Because of their deep sense of duty they are dedicated to everything they do and are very dependable. ISTJs care deeply for those closest to them.

“ISTJs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable. They place great importance on honesty and integrity. They are “good citizens” who can be depended on to do the right thing for their families and communities. While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun – especially at family or work-related gatherings.”

Portrait of an ISTJ (The Personality Page)

So what is your personality type?
Come on – don’t let me think I’m the only weirdo around.

THEN SINGS MY SOUL: THE PRAYER

I’ve recently heard this song, The Prayer, and it is so beautiful that I just had to post it.  It truly makes my heart sing.

The Prayer

I pray you’ll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don’t know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe

I pray we’ll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night
Remind us where you are

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe.

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Need to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe

A STORY WITH A POINT

A man driving a car was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ‘I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.’ I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally…I assumed you had stolen the car.’

Moral of the Story: Let Your Behavior Match Your Bumper Stickers!